so sudden, so tragic, so unbelievable!!!

how would you feel when you got off from work, go home and get an SMS asking if the news about your dad and aunt is true and you are completely clueless what happened? and when you call his phone, it can't be reached and when you are finally able to talk to one of his companions, you are told that they figured in a terrible vehicular accident and he's gone!!! and what's worse is he passed on together with my tita (her sister who would have turned 80 tomorrow) and my cousin.


for now, words escape me. but let it be written here that EVERY LITTLE THING here in our home in Cebu so reminds me of Daddy and the good memories we have of him. every single thing makes me sad and cry like i'll die. for how can one ever get used to not hearing him say good morning to my little ones anymore. how can one not miss him for always providing what we need and want?! Daddy drives to Mcdo JY or nearby Julie's bakeshop as soon as he wakes up every morning (while everyone else is still asleep) to buy Marti and Zach their favorite hotcakes and bread and drops by a stall in Sudlon to get duha ka sipi nga tundan saging for Zach. he cleans the car as soon as he gets home and watches the morning news. and plays with marti and Zach no matter how tired he is because he wants them to be happy. and butingtings anything in our house. i miss you terribly, Daddy Handyman!

you will never know na, Dy that i was actually happy and proud of you that since you got out of the hospital some weeks ago, you listened to me and never took a single drop of alcohol and you went to see the doctor as i suggested. you tried taking your mind off the alcoholic temptations by making yourself busy with the kids. you spent every single minute with them. little did i know that those precious times with them were your last. that when you said "Mart, Zach, uli sa si Lolo, balik ra dayon ", it will not happen anymore.


it's funny, Dy, that the things that you always remind me to stop doing so I can fully attend to the kids are the same things that somehow make me stop crying (if only for a minute). i just had to blog, facebook and check my emails, Dy.

Mama and I are leaving Cebu tomorrow. we will finally see you but i wish you were alive when we do. how can i stop crying now when you will not be there anymore to fetch us from Butuan?

how does one say goodbye to a father who, inspite of not knowing how to express his love for his children, has always been a good provider? although we had our share of fights and you had your imperfections, you were our biggest protector and we never had to fear when you were around. let me tell you, Dy, you were the best Dad in your own way!

P.S. ay ay Dy, maboang ako! i remember you called Monday after you left Cebu just to check if someone can drive Marti to and from school. i miss you so much, Dy!!!

wish list :)

since my birthday and Christmas are almost here,my family and some of my friends have been asking for my wish list. right now, i still couldn't think of things i 'want'. but i've thought of some:

* The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch and Jeffrey Zaslow

* Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Daj Sijie

* Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom

* The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks

* walang kamatayang buffet at Marco Polo

* gym outfit (doesn't have to be branded)

* a pretty pouch that can carry two phones (1 big and 1 small)

* white socks for my rubber shoes (pwede branded? 1 pair ra bita. hehe)

* ice cream treat at Gelatissimo :)

* a 2010 journal or pretty, inexpensive notebooks which i can make as journal or 'diary'

* pretty pens in purple or green or pink

* healthy snacks :)

* your company and time (especially because i won't be working anymore)

* massage

* facials

* Starbucks or Coffeebean water tumbler

... will add more to the list...

fyi :)

for those who want to be my fitness and health police, you can also find me here. i just want to warn you, though, that it's a pretty boring site. :)

change of heart

i don't know what got into me but finally, i granted M's request that i (temporarily) put an end to my corporate slavery. and so, on October 14, I tendered my resignation effective November 16, 2009. since it is a major decision and move, the effectivity date has to be significant, my 39th birthday. so, what made me decide to quit my job? maybe i got tired hearing M tell me 3x a day about resigning and spending full time with the kids. or maybe i got too tired with my ever-changing shift (as in it changes weekly). and although i love my job, said shift has taken its toll on my health and personal lief (ahem). or maybe i got too pressured passing the required metrics. or i think i finally realized to give full-time motherhood a try. and lastly, i thought that these 5 months is the best time to get on-the-job training from our trusted helper and cook because she and the li'l girl's yaya are going home for good in April. aaannnddd what better way to prepare myself for a life outside this country than to immerse myself in household duties.

so there. pat, you now have a full-time buddy when you come home next month. i can already join you anytime you go to the farm...i can now accept dinner and after-dinner invitations without having to that i still have a shift at 12 AM...these and more. i hope and pray that life will just be all right after my last day at work.

with so much time on my hand, i am planning to do a lot things, most urgent and important of which is exercising. then i'd be able to finally read again. i'd be the official family driver, etc. etc.

Happy 45th, Mom and Dad!

today, my parents celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary. theirs may not be an ideal marriage but there are still so many things to thank the Lord for. among so many other things, their union brought me and my loving siblings into this world and we gave birth to adorable kids who bring them so much joy. they worked hard and made a lot of sacrifices to send us all to good schools. they instilled in us good moral values and loved us and cared for us so much. i am very blessed to have them with me. they not only provide me financial support when i need it but they, despite being senior citizens already, look after my active toddlers. for all those and much more, i am very grateful.

Ma and Dy, may the Lord continue to bless you with good health and may there be more happy moments in your life. Thank you so much for everything.