it's been over 2 years that i have stopped working and having my own income. most days, i love being a stay-at-home mom, always counting the simple joys that come with it. there are, however, times when i get "depressed" for not having my own income and spend it the way i want.
the past weeks, i've overheard a lot of people talking about their 13th month pay to be credited soon and how they're going to spend it. the corporate ants have also been discussing what to wear to their Christmas parties and wishing they will win the major prizes in the raffle. these things used to not affect me but this time, they have! i guess i'm only human (haha) to feel this way -- to miss working and earning and spending. i remember we didn't only have the 13th month pay (at the bank i used to work for), we also got a Christmas bonus. oh how i miss shopping for so many things on the first week of December! and i miss how i would dress up at our themed parties back then!
yes, yes, i know that despite not having all these now, i still have many blessings to be grateful for. pero makamingaw lang sad gyud ang naay bonus ug corporate parties! =)
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, December 12, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
oh, summer!
school's almost out and the end of school signals the start of summer! i can't wait to head off to the hubby's home island where the beaches are beautiful and fresh seafood, abundant!
as a 'reward' for my 2-pound weight loss last week, i bought this top for my summer getaway. it's only P199.75 at metro ayala :-)
when i went around the mall, i also saw these summer-y bags at Bench. they're only P249.75 each. i wanna buy one but i couldn't decide which color and i'm not really sure if they're pretty.
as early as now, i'm already dreaming of being 2 sizes smaller by summer and i'm already thinking of having a deep tan. as if my skin is fair enough! :-)
as a 'reward' for my 2-pound weight loss last week, i bought this top for my summer getaway. it's only P199.75 at metro ayala :-)
 | ||||
| i'll use it as a cover over my swimsuit |
when i went around the mall, i also saw these summer-y bags at Bench. they're only P249.75 each. i wanna buy one but i couldn't decide which color and i'm not really sure if they're pretty.
as early as now, i'm already dreaming of being 2 sizes smaller by summer and i'm already thinking of having a deep tan. as if my skin is fair enough! :-)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
random things
i wrote my 2011 goals a few posts back. i am quite amazed and happy that i'm reading again! that's one item off my 2011 list. :) i actually never thought i'd find the motivation to read. i stopped when i gave birth to my eldest and never recovered even after i had the time. now i found myself hooked on books! i bought 5-6 books 3 weeks ago and another 4 books just last week! good thing, some of them are second-hand (but in good condition) ones so they're a lot cheaper. i'm really enjoying this love affair with books and the current one i am reading is just pretty funny, i often catch myself smiling or laughing alone. =)
sometime last year, the hubby proposed that we will let go of our 3-year old son's nanny before (heaven forbids!) an accident happens because she is just too inefficient. i requested that we do it when classes end in March because I just wasn't ready to be on my own looking after this hyperactive toddler. plus i suddenly felt the need to go back to work 'cause i could see that it wasn't practical to just have one breadwinner. i'm only human, i get "depressed" at times that i don't have my own income and could not buy the things i want to buy. =D i prayed for 'guidance' on what i should do. and as P and K said, the ultimate sign came three days ago. said nanny talked to me and asked permission to go home for good. i was both relieved and worried! worried because i am not too confident if i'd do well being my son's fulltime nanny mom. and of course, it means there is no chance anymore of me ever going back to work. but i wnat to be positive about this so i'm taking the challenge. :)
i wrote in my fitness blog that i am quite pleased that (for the millionth time) i found the motivation again to shape up. i do not want to do so many things all at once because i know myself, i'd get overwhelmed with all these goals and quit. i wanna do it right this time so i am making and taking one goal at a time and i "designed" a 3-week plan that will run from February 15th to March 8th. the goal is very simple for most of you, i know, but for someone who'd die without eating rice, it's a sacrifice. ;) i will not eat rice at dinner.
got to stop now, it's getting long. :)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Sad
Today is the first day of the nine-day novena mass for the first death anniversary of our dearest Dad, Mama Tit (aunt) and cousin, Bing. *Sigh* It's been a year!
I am sad that I could not go home for the death anniversary on the 20th. It's just so hard to leave the kids in Cebu and they also could not be absent from their classes because they're already in the big school --- so hard to catch up when you're absent even for just a day.
I am hoping that just like the way he was with us when he was still alive, Daddy will understand. And I am (always) praying that the Lord will grant them eternal rest.
I am sad that I could not go home for the death anniversary on the 20th. It's just so hard to leave the kids in Cebu and they also could not be absent from their classes because they're already in the big school --- so hard to catch up when you're absent even for just a day.
I am hoping that just like the way he was with us when he was still alive, Daddy will understand. And I am (always) praying that the Lord will grant them eternal rest.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
again and again, over and over =)
today is the first day of the last month of the second quarter. today is another fresh start for me in the health and fitness area ;-)
for breakfast, I just had banana and oatmeal. and the hub, kids and I will be brisk-walking (again after more than a month) at IT park later after work.
bahala na'g hinayhinay basta kanunay =D
for breakfast, I just had banana and oatmeal. and the hub, kids and I will be brisk-walking (again after more than a month) at IT park later after work.
bahala na'g hinayhinay basta kanunay =D
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
admission test blues
i've been meaning to blog but blogger just won't let me the past weeks. i was supposed to blog about something else but since i am too disappointed right now, i'll blog about this first.
this is actually dejavu. last year, i felt exactly the same way. but this time, i want to react differently. right, i should not scold my little girl because it will only make things worse. and it's really not her fault that she's no Ms. Congeniality like her mom.
okay, okay. we really need to move Marti to a "big" school this June because we want her to have a "balanced" school life. you know, where there's sports and a playground, among other things. and so, i have been busy inquiring and scheduling for admission tests/screening. each time i go to a school, i talk to the guidance counselor about how extremely shy my daughter is. i always ask if the admission test result is their sole criteria for accepting new students because i know her so well, she won't open her mouth when asked or interviewed by someone she meets the first time. or even the hundredth time. and these schools always say yes, they will only accept those who answer.
today was Marti's scheduled admission test at Sacred Heart School-Hijas. weeks before, we already motivated her to answer the teacher. she always said yes, she even mentioned she really wants to go there because her classmates Ada and Nica are going there for Kinder. but lo and behold! she was like a deaf mute at the guidance counselor's office. no amount of psychology could let her open her mouth! can you imagine my frustration? kahilakon kaayo ko! kahilakon ko cos i know she knows all those things they ask in the test. i don't know if i'm mad at Marti or at these schools who make a big deal out of these admission tests!
i'm thinking, if these schools won't accept kids who don't answer in their interview and tests because they are very shy, then our Marti will be an "out-of-school" kid! unless she stays stuck at her current school. nothing bad about the school really, it's just that we want something where she can channel some of her energy through play/sports.
this is actually dejavu. last year, i felt exactly the same way. but this time, i want to react differently. right, i should not scold my little girl because it will only make things worse. and it's really not her fault that she's no Ms. Congeniality like her mom.
okay, okay. we really need to move Marti to a "big" school this June because we want her to have a "balanced" school life. you know, where there's sports and a playground, among other things. and so, i have been busy inquiring and scheduling for admission tests/screening. each time i go to a school, i talk to the guidance counselor about how extremely shy my daughter is. i always ask if the admission test result is their sole criteria for accepting new students because i know her so well, she won't open her mouth when asked or interviewed by someone she meets the first time. or even the hundredth time. and these schools always say yes, they will only accept those who answer.
today was Marti's scheduled admission test at Sacred Heart School-Hijas. weeks before, we already motivated her to answer the teacher. she always said yes, she even mentioned she really wants to go there because her classmates Ada and Nica are going there for Kinder. but lo and behold! she was like a deaf mute at the guidance counselor's office. no amount of psychology could let her open her mouth! can you imagine my frustration? kahilakon kaayo ko! kahilakon ko cos i know she knows all those things they ask in the test. i don't know if i'm mad at Marti or at these schools who make a big deal out of these admission tests!
i'm thinking, if these schools won't accept kids who don't answer in their interview and tests because they are very shy, then our Marti will be an "out-of-school" kid! unless she stays stuck at her current school. nothing bad about the school really, it's just that we want something where she can channel some of her energy through play/sports.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Celebrating Daddy
today is the 70th anniversary of the day Daddy was born. and although he is no longer with us physically, we are celebrating his special day with a mass and dinner. he was, after all, one of the family's greatest and most special blessings! and we were actually making plans for this day right after Mama's 70th in August 2009. this was something we all looked forward to until that one very sad day when he figured in a tragic accident and passed on.
ours was not the typical or usual father-daughter relationship. we were not demonstrative and expressive of our love for each other. but although he rarely said his 'i love yous', i felt his great love for us through everything he did for me (and my siblings) and me and my family. he was always one who'd do anything and everything to make us happy. he always provided for our needs (and wants). he always acted promptly on something as soon as he knew we wanted it. he was a very good provider.
Daddy was also Mr. Handyman. he could do anything ---- from being a plumber, mechanic, carpenter, electrician to being a good cook, among many other things he does best for us. And he was very supportive of all our activities and took pride in all our achievements. he was even proud of Marti being able to speak English and got really happy with Zach's antics.
as we celebrate his birthday, i thank the Lord for blessing us with a wonderful father like Daddy.
Dy, i know it's too late to tell you all these but please let me. words are not enough to express my gratitude and appreciation for being the very loving and caring father that you were to us. you seldom told us you loved us but your actions spoke a lot. i miss the kind of love you showered me, Minoy, Marti and Zach and i am sad at the thought that no one else can love us the way you did. thank you so much, Dy, for all the sacrifices you made to make us happy and thank you for being so proud of each of us. words are also not enough to tell you how sorry i am for the times i made you feel less loved and unwanted. although you are no longer here to hear me, i want you to know that you were never a burden to us. we can never repay everything you have done for all of us. Dy, i guess i never got to tell you how proud i am of your achievements. and thank you so much for the lovely home you left us with. don't worry about us not having a car back home, we can manage. i miss you oh so terribly, Dy. i never thought i could miss you this much but i do and it will take a long time for me to not cry (the way i am crying now) anymore. i continue to pray for your eternal rest and i wish you a very happy 70th birthday up there!
(our last pic with Daddy taken on Marti's 4th birthday, September 27, 2009)
Friday, December 4, 2009
today
i had a quite busy day today. and again, i shed tears. it's driving me crazy but it's okay if it means keeping Daddy alive in my heart.
today, i sent the car registration documents, stereo head, car key and one of the tires to the buyer of Daddy's ill-fated Isuzu Crosswind. my heart bled for the sale meant final goodbye to something dear to Daddy and to something which was a big part of our lives. if only i could keep it, i would. but then again, who would want to keep something that will remind you of the tragic accident? i guess you just have to let go of it and the bad memories that associated with it.
i went to different government agencies to process stuff related to Daddy's death. i was amazed at the fast and friendly service i got. they're a lot better here compared to their Cebu counterparts. i applied for Daddy's death certificate on security paper and got it immediately and unlike the online thing, it only costs P140.
i went to Mama's local suki and had my fingernails and toe nails manicured. to cheer me up, i chose bright red nail polish. pretty! if only i could post a pic here. and i was in Santa mood so aside from the generous tip i gave her, i also bought the manicurista 3 bottles of nail polish. i made her happy, she couldn't stop thanking me.
when i got home today, i was met by a brown butterfly which, to me was Daddy. and i took it to mean he was happy and thankful. in my heart, i could hear him saying "salamat, Mi sa pag asikaso nan Crosswind. " i also took it as a sign that he's okay with our decision to dispose of the vehicle. for some time, it was something we kept discussing about --- whether to sell it or not, we kept "analyzing" whether Daddy would want us to sell it or keep it.
today, i am thankful it's finally over and done with. it's one item off our to-do list. but today, i am shedding barrels of tears because i so miss Daddy! and as i am writing this here in his room (with Mama snoring), i can't stop crying.
today, i sent the car registration documents, stereo head, car key and one of the tires to the buyer of Daddy's ill-fated Isuzu Crosswind. my heart bled for the sale meant final goodbye to something dear to Daddy and to something which was a big part of our lives. if only i could keep it, i would. but then again, who would want to keep something that will remind you of the tragic accident? i guess you just have to let go of it and the bad memories that associated with it.
i went to different government agencies to process stuff related to Daddy's death. i was amazed at the fast and friendly service i got. they're a lot better here compared to their Cebu counterparts. i applied for Daddy's death certificate on security paper and got it immediately and unlike the online thing, it only costs P140.
i went to Mama's local suki and had my fingernails and toe nails manicured. to cheer me up, i chose bright red nail polish. pretty! if only i could post a pic here. and i was in Santa mood so aside from the generous tip i gave her, i also bought the manicurista 3 bottles of nail polish. i made her happy, she couldn't stop thanking me.
when i got home today, i was met by a brown butterfly which, to me was Daddy. and i took it to mean he was happy and thankful. in my heart, i could hear him saying "salamat, Mi sa pag asikaso nan Crosswind. " i also took it as a sign that he's okay with our decision to dispose of the vehicle. for some time, it was something we kept discussing about --- whether to sell it or not, we kept "analyzing" whether Daddy would want us to sell it or keep it.
today, i am thankful it's finally over and done with. it's one item off our to-do list. but today, i am shedding barrels of tears because i so miss Daddy! and as i am writing this here in his room (with Mama snoring), i can't stop crying.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
changes
staying here at my small hometown for more than a month now made me think of more-than-the-usual things i want to do or need to do. with me not having to go to work anymore when i get back to Cebu, i guess i have all the time to do what i have been planning to accomplish.
i'd like to believe i resigned at the most perfect time --- daddy's gone and so i have to be mama's companion and marti needs a full-time driver to and from school (like what daddy used to do). having had to deal with the pain of losing daddy, i totally forgot about the anxiety i felt of being jobless. before the accident happened, minoy felt i was so stressed at the thought of not having my own income anymore. i got sick weeks before i finally had the courage to tender my resignation. well, i still really don't know how the days ahead of me would turn out but i pray that despite the grief, i'll keep going and be a wonderful mom and homemaker. wait, i think i digress.
when i go back to cebu (on the 9th, God willing), i intend to be a "new" me. :)
* i should stop being mean to mama because it's not only a commandment that we honor our parents, she also deserves to be treated with utmost respect. it's quite hard "raising" a senior citizen but i should have all the patience to take care of her especially now that she's a lonely widow. i need divine intervention on this. grabe gyud ko ka mean, ingrata for everything she has done and continue to do for my family.
* i should work on being a better spouse (in all aspects of "spousehood") to M. i am so blessed to have him. it's funny how, during his short stay here, people talk to me to say swerte ko kay buotan si Minoy. i also need divine intervention on this because i am really so short-tempered and who knows, not having a job might trigger the bad temper. we should go out as a couple more often. life is short.
* i SHOULD lose weight. this has been an old issue for me. i'm almost giving up but some things still make me hope that i can do it. i have to be healthy and fit. my siblings have been constantly reminding me that i should start living healthy now. it even makes me cry when they always say bata pa raba imong mga anak. i should use up the paid gym membership at holiday spa and gym.
* i should get a total makeover, an overhaul. haha. right now, i look like a fat witch! as soon as i arrive in Cebu (pohon), i'll have my hair cut or rebonded, have a pedi, go for eyebrows threading, etc etc. i should be beautiful before i meet friends and relatives. re: the hair, i've been thinking of having it short (like in our family portrait in 2007) so it's something "new" and so i won't have to spend for rebonding. but my sisters commented that i'll look fatter with a short do.
* i should spend within my means or not spend at all. haha. seriously, with just the hub working, it's about time i reassessed our priorities. when before i would just grab what i want for myself and the kids, i should now think more than twice. it also helps that minoy is practical when it comes to spending, he reminds me that some things can wait. so, i'll wait 'til imperial palace drops their room rates. :) i should also start "training" the kids on saving --- money and mother earth. aaaannnd, we really need to save up for that big project in 2010. may na lang di kay ko into "upgrading" cellphones regularly and i have already "amassed" pairs of my favorite footwear.
* i should have an OJT with our helper who really cooks well. i already know how to wash and iron clothes and i guess i no longer need training on yayahood. one day, ka level na nako si pat ug therese (all around na panglinis ang tide).:)
* i need to do what i used to do --- hear mass everyday, pray the rosary daily and go to confession regularly.
* i should be marti's hands-on "tutor". i realized i haven't really checked her seatworks until during their stay here and i saw some correct answers marked wrong by the teacher. i will also start to actively bond with dearest zach after i bring marti to school, he's more attached to his yaya than to me.
* and to keep me sane, i should still go out and see relatives, friends and former colleagues.
those are all for now folks.
i'd like to believe i resigned at the most perfect time --- daddy's gone and so i have to be mama's companion and marti needs a full-time driver to and from school (like what daddy used to do). having had to deal with the pain of losing daddy, i totally forgot about the anxiety i felt of being jobless. before the accident happened, minoy felt i was so stressed at the thought of not having my own income anymore. i got sick weeks before i finally had the courage to tender my resignation. well, i still really don't know how the days ahead of me would turn out but i pray that despite the grief, i'll keep going and be a wonderful mom and homemaker. wait, i think i digress.
when i go back to cebu (on the 9th, God willing), i intend to be a "new" me. :)
* i should stop being mean to mama because it's not only a commandment that we honor our parents, she also deserves to be treated with utmost respect. it's quite hard "raising" a senior citizen but i should have all the patience to take care of her especially now that she's a lonely widow. i need divine intervention on this. grabe gyud ko ka mean, ingrata for everything she has done and continue to do for my family.
* i should work on being a better spouse (in all aspects of "spousehood") to M. i am so blessed to have him. it's funny how, during his short stay here, people talk to me to say swerte ko kay buotan si Minoy. i also need divine intervention on this because i am really so short-tempered and who knows, not having a job might trigger the bad temper. we should go out as a couple more often. life is short.
* i SHOULD lose weight. this has been an old issue for me. i'm almost giving up but some things still make me hope that i can do it. i have to be healthy and fit. my siblings have been constantly reminding me that i should start living healthy now. it even makes me cry when they always say bata pa raba imong mga anak. i should use up the paid gym membership at holiday spa and gym.
* i should get a total makeover, an overhaul. haha. right now, i look like a fat witch! as soon as i arrive in Cebu (pohon), i'll have my hair cut or rebonded, have a pedi, go for eyebrows threading, etc etc. i should be beautiful before i meet friends and relatives. re: the hair, i've been thinking of having it short (like in our family portrait in 2007) so it's something "new" and so i won't have to spend for rebonding. but my sisters commented that i'll look fatter with a short do.
* i should spend within my means or not spend at all. haha. seriously, with just the hub working, it's about time i reassessed our priorities. when before i would just grab what i want for myself and the kids, i should now think more than twice. it also helps that minoy is practical when it comes to spending, he reminds me that some things can wait. so, i'll wait 'til imperial palace drops their room rates. :) i should also start "training" the kids on saving --- money and mother earth. aaaannnd, we really need to save up for that big project in 2010. may na lang di kay ko into "upgrading" cellphones regularly and i have already "amassed" pairs of my favorite footwear.
* i should have an OJT with our helper who really cooks well. i already know how to wash and iron clothes and i guess i no longer need training on yayahood. one day, ka level na nako si pat ug therese (all around na panglinis ang tide).:)
* i need to do what i used to do --- hear mass everyday, pray the rosary daily and go to confession regularly.
* i should be marti's hands-on "tutor". i realized i haven't really checked her seatworks until during their stay here and i saw some correct answers marked wrong by the teacher. i will also start to actively bond with dearest zach after i bring marti to school, he's more attached to his yaya than to me.
* and to keep me sane, i should still go out and see relatives, friends and former colleagues.
those are all for now folks.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
because Christmas is for children...
...i will try my best to make it a really merry and memorable one for Marti and Zach. i want them to enjoy the same Christmases we had when we were kids. i'm sure Daddy wouldn't also want it any other way for his dearest apos. right now, buying them gifts is not in my list but as soon as i'm back in Cebu (God willing), it will be top priority. i will give them gifts with a tag that says 'from Lolo'. we will celebrate Christmas and New Year the way we did when Daddy was still with us, bahala na'g maghilak.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
what i do & plan to do
i don't have a busy life here in our hometown. i'm not sure if i wish to have a busy life to somehow "distract" me from crying often or just be like this so i will always think of Daddy every second.
a grad school friend i was chatting with earlier asked what keeps me busy here and i replied:
* bantay bata
* sterilize bottles
* Internet gamay
* cry
* go to the cemetery
* pray
* watch TV with the kids
* eat
* engage in discussions and arguments
* go the the capital town by tricycle to do groceries and buy the yummiest chicken barbecue or buy pizza for the kids or eat halo halo at a "famous" resto there
* walk half a kilometer to buy hot bread or bibingka
* eat my cousin's yum arroz caldo, biko or binignit
* hear mass daily at 6 AM
* talk with relatives
* think about the tragic accident and cry again
surprisingly, i never get to take a nap in the afternoon even if the weather here (it rains everyday) is conducive to sleeping and snoring.
M and Z were originally scheduled to fly back to Cebu with me and Mama after December 8 (the town fiesta here) but the hub suggested that they fly back with him on the 1st (God willing). He's coming home for Daddy's 40th novena. As much as I want to let them stay longer here, I am also thinking it's best for M to be back in Cebu already because she has missed classes for over a month now. Although she's only in N2, I also wouldn't want her to miss much in school. Our place would have been the best Z should stay in because it doesn't give him asthma attacks but these kids get really sad when they're not together.
now on the things i have in mind when i'm back in Cebu. being the pessimistic person that i am, i've already told the hub, family and friends that it will really be harder for me there because it's where Daddy spent the last 3 months of his life. yes, he spent it with us and I saw how lovingly he spent every single day with M and Z. he was really one of the best, hands-on lolos i know that back then, i would always thank the Lord that he was still alive when i gave birth to my kids. there are days here when M would tell Z how she misses lolo or she would tell my sister "you know what, Tita? i like lolo so much. mo play sya namo sa cebu. mingaw na ko niya. " Cebu will definitely make me miss Daddy so much. while i'm here, these are the few things i plan to do when i get back to Cebu:
> drive M to and from school and be the official family driver
> hear mass daily at 12:15 PM at st. therese church
> pray the rosary nightly
> cross stitch (because this is one of the things our dearest cousin Bing did so passionately)
> practice cooking (because Daddy always loved to cook and because the all-around helper is going home for good). i also plan to enroll in cooking classes
> be more hands-on with M and Z
> see friends often (especially during the first 6 months)
> seriously, seriously exercise. jog with the hub at IT Park
> guide M in her school assignments and check on her seat works
> be with Mama often
> work on our biggest family dream
> cry. and think of Daddy, Mama Tit and Bingbing.
a grad school friend i was chatting with earlier asked what keeps me busy here and i replied:
* bantay bata
* sterilize bottles
* Internet gamay
* cry
* go to the cemetery
* pray
* watch TV with the kids
* eat
* engage in discussions and arguments
* go the the capital town by tricycle to do groceries and buy the yummiest chicken barbecue or buy pizza for the kids or eat halo halo at a "famous" resto there
* walk half a kilometer to buy hot bread or bibingka
* eat my cousin's yum arroz caldo, biko or binignit
* hear mass daily at 6 AM
* talk with relatives
* think about the tragic accident and cry again
surprisingly, i never get to take a nap in the afternoon even if the weather here (it rains everyday) is conducive to sleeping and snoring.
M and Z were originally scheduled to fly back to Cebu with me and Mama after December 8 (the town fiesta here) but the hub suggested that they fly back with him on the 1st (God willing). He's coming home for Daddy's 40th novena. As much as I want to let them stay longer here, I am also thinking it's best for M to be back in Cebu already because she has missed classes for over a month now. Although she's only in N2, I also wouldn't want her to miss much in school. Our place would have been the best Z should stay in because it doesn't give him asthma attacks but these kids get really sad when they're not together.
now on the things i have in mind when i'm back in Cebu. being the pessimistic person that i am, i've already told the hub, family and friends that it will really be harder for me there because it's where Daddy spent the last 3 months of his life. yes, he spent it with us and I saw how lovingly he spent every single day with M and Z. he was really one of the best, hands-on lolos i know that back then, i would always thank the Lord that he was still alive when i gave birth to my kids. there are days here when M would tell Z how she misses lolo or she would tell my sister "you know what, Tita? i like lolo so much. mo play sya namo sa cebu. mingaw na ko niya. " Cebu will definitely make me miss Daddy so much. while i'm here, these are the few things i plan to do when i get back to Cebu:
> drive M to and from school and be the official family driver
> hear mass daily at 12:15 PM at st. therese church
> pray the rosary nightly
> cross stitch (because this is one of the things our dearest cousin Bing did so passionately)
> practice cooking (because Daddy always loved to cook and because the all-around helper is going home for good). i also plan to enroll in cooking classes
> be more hands-on with M and Z
> see friends often (especially during the first 6 months)
> seriously, seriously exercise. jog with the hub at IT Park
> guide M in her school assignments and check on her seat works
> be with Mama often
> work on our biggest family dream
> cry. and think of Daddy, Mama Tit and Bingbing.
Friday, November 20, 2009
first month
around this time a month ago today, i was inconsolable, distraught, devastated and in disbelief that my dad met that very tragic accident that took his life, my aunt's and a very dear cousin's. i was in tears for more than 24 hours and was sleepless.
today, the pain is still as intense and as excruciating as a month ago. i still can't believe it really happened and the realization that Daddy's no longer here physically with us is such a torture.
i know the days ahead of me back in Cebu will be harder. i've already been used to having Daddy at home. i was a senyora with him around. he not only drives Marti to and from school and Minoy to and from the office, he also looked after the kids. He ran after our hyperactive Zach and he always offered to do some of the home chores especially when our house help and yaya went on a 45-day leave. More than these, he was really a very good and loving father to us.
today, the pain is still as intense and as excruciating as a month ago. i still can't believe it really happened and the realization that Daddy's no longer here physically with us is such a torture.
i know the days ahead of me back in Cebu will be harder. i've already been used to having Daddy at home. i was a senyora with him around. he not only drives Marti to and from school and Minoy to and from the office, he also looked after the kids. He ran after our hyperactive Zach and he always offered to do some of the home chores especially when our house help and yaya went on a 45-day leave. More than these, he was really a very good and loving father to us.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
grateful
amidst my deep grief, i am still very thankful for all the blessings i have been receiving.
* strong support from family and friends especially the supergirls. amazing! you all may be million of miles away but i can feel your love and care for me and my family. words are not enough to thank you for all the things you have done and still continue to do to express your sympathy. thanks so much for your messages, calls, prayers, mass cards, monetary assistance and masses offered for my dad. God bless you all.
* safe flights for M and my siblings when they went back to their respective destinations.
* my brother's extended stay with us. since Daddy left, he's been so strong for us even if he's also devastated with the tragic death. he postponed his trip back to Geneva to spend 4 more days with us because he knew how deep our grief is.
* an unexpected good news. He really loves me so much, He gave me something to "replace" my lost income. i really don't regret quitting my job and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. i'm just praying life will not be as hard as i imagine when we're back in Cebu. that's where reality kicks in.
* one big dream coming true sooner than planned. thanks to generous people like my brother!
* a really nice surprise birthday gift from the same generous brother. been using it for a week now.
* M sending the little girl's school books so she can still follow their lessons during her 1-month absence. i'm blessed my sis, S offered to do home study for her. i can't be depended on, i'm too sad to do anything.
looks like i can't recall everything. i'm really overwhelmed by grief.
* strong support from family and friends especially the supergirls. amazing! you all may be million of miles away but i can feel your love and care for me and my family. words are not enough to thank you for all the things you have done and still continue to do to express your sympathy. thanks so much for your messages, calls, prayers, mass cards, monetary assistance and masses offered for my dad. God bless you all.
* safe flights for M and my siblings when they went back to their respective destinations.
* my brother's extended stay with us. since Daddy left, he's been so strong for us even if he's also devastated with the tragic death. he postponed his trip back to Geneva to spend 4 more days with us because he knew how deep our grief is.
* an unexpected good news. He really loves me so much, He gave me something to "replace" my lost income. i really don't regret quitting my job and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. i'm just praying life will not be as hard as i imagine when we're back in Cebu. that's where reality kicks in.
* one big dream coming true sooner than planned. thanks to generous people like my brother!
* a really nice surprise birthday gift from the same generous brother. been using it for a week now.
* M sending the little girl's school books so she can still follow their lessons during her 1-month absence. i'm blessed my sis, S offered to do home study for her. i can't be depended on, i'm too sad to do anything.
looks like i can't recall everything. i'm really overwhelmed by grief.
Monday, November 2, 2009
life must go on but...
...i asked Daddy at his wake and during the funeral to allow me to grieve for as long as i have to so i can go through the complete process of healing if there is such. his very sudden and tragic death is just too painful and i am still in disbelief that he's gone. my mom and siblings are also all in deep pain but i sometimes get the feeling that i am the most affected with Daddy's passing because Daddy was with us in Cebu the past 3 months before the accident. it's more painful for me because i have so many hang-ups.and it's most painful for me for reasons i don't have to write here.
...it will definitely never be the same again! i have one full year of special occasions to deal with starting with this year's Christmas which Daddy always celebrated with us in Cebu.
...i really don't know yet how i'll live my life in Cebu knowing that everything about the place will remind me of and make me miss Daddy.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
so sudden, so tragic, so unbelievable!!!
how would you feel when you got off from work, go home and get an SMS asking if the news about your dad and aunt is true and you are completely clueless what happened? and when you call his phone, it can't be reached and when you are finally able to talk to one of his companions, you are told that they figured in a terrible vehicular accident and he's gone!!! and what's worse is he passed on together with my tita (her sister who would have turned 80 tomorrow) and my cousin.
for now, words escape me. but let it be written here that EVERY LITTLE THING here in our home in Cebu so reminds me of Daddy and the good memories we have of him. every single thing makes me sad and cry like i'll die. for how can one ever get used to not hearing him say good morning to my little ones anymore. how can one not miss him for always providing what we need and want?! Daddy drives to Mcdo JY or nearby Julie's bakeshop as soon as he wakes up every morning (while everyone else is still asleep) to buy Marti and Zach their favorite hotcakes and bread and drops by a stall in Sudlon to get duha ka sipi nga tundan saging for Zach. he cleans the car as soon as he gets home and watches the morning news. and plays with marti and Zach no matter how tired he is because he wants them to be happy. and butingtings anything in our house. i miss you terribly, Daddy Handyman!
you will never know na, Dy that i was actually happy and proud of you that since you got out of the hospital some weeks ago, you listened to me and never took a single drop of alcohol and you went to see the doctor as i suggested. you tried taking your mind off the alcoholic temptations by making yourself busy with the kids. you spent every single minute with them. little did i know that those precious times with them were your last. that when you said "Mart, Zach, uli sa si Lolo, balik ra dayon ", it will not happen anymore.
it's funny, Dy, that the things that you always remind me to stop doing so I can fully attend to the kids are the same things that somehow make me stop crying (if only for a minute). i just had to blog, facebook and check my emails, Dy.
Mama and I are leaving Cebu tomorrow. we will finally see you but i wish you were alive when we do. how can i stop crying now when you will not be there anymore to fetch us from Butuan?
how does one say goodbye to a father who, inspite of not knowing how to express his love for his children, has always been a good provider? although we had our share of fights and you had your imperfections, you were our biggest protector and we never had to fear when you were around. let me tell you, Dy, you were the best Dad in your own way!
P.S. ay ay Dy, maboang ako! i remember you called Monday after you left Cebu just to check if someone can drive Marti to and from school. i miss you so much, Dy!!!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
re-thinking
last month was not a good month for me at work. i was struggling in 1 of the most major and important metrics our performance is based on. the month ended with a failing mark. it's the second time since june and if i do not pass this month and the next, it's bye bye CVG for me.
i also did not make any progress in my journey to "fab-ness". i was absent from the gym most of the time last month and i gave in to all my high-calorie cravings and devoured rice as if everyday was my last day on earth.
before the first day of this month came, i looked back and did some re-thinking of how i could improve my performance in those two areas. i came up with a few plans of action and i am hoping they are ood enough to make me better this month and the coming months.
i also did not make any progress in my journey to "fab-ness". i was absent from the gym most of the time last month and i gave in to all my high-calorie cravings and devoured rice as if everyday was my last day on earth.
before the first day of this month came, i looked back and did some re-thinking of how i could improve my performance in those two areas. i came up with a few plans of action and i am hoping they are ood enough to make me better this month and the coming months.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
worried
My three year-old Marti has been having on-and-off fever since the other Saturday (June 27th). We already had her routine lab tests and the results are okay. Yesterday, I brought her to our pedia because she has been complaining of tummy ache the past few days. I am really bothered because she is not her usual self. She gets tired easily and whereas before, the mall is something she'd love to go to, lately she's not interested. After checking on her, the pedia said she suspects it's hyperacidity based on Marti's answer on which part of the tummy hurts.
I am not surprised because since classes started, Yaya has been telling me that Marti has not been eating well. Although she can do things by herself, she only eats really well when Yaya or anyone of us is around to "feed" her. On the third day of her class, Yaya said the teacher would no longer allow them to go inside the classroom during the kids' eating time. She was very worried because at the end of her class, she would see Marti's food almost untouched. I regret not talking to the teacher about it, now Marti's too young to have hyperacidity. But I had my own reasons for not doing it, one of which is I understand what they want to instill on the kids and secondly, I don't wish to be known as the "mom who always complains". I asked for medical certification from our pedia and I asked Yaya to tell the teacher about it (I couldn't do it myself because my shift this week has changed again).
Over the weekend, my li'l sis who's here on vacation, did Marti's assignments with her. Marti and I did them the past week but I never noticed that the Math book they're using for Nursery is for Kinder. My sister being a teacher herself, could not hep but comment that the activities contained in the book seem too advance for Marti. They're already asked to draw three-dimensional objects when Marti has not even started drawing lines.
When I got in at work this morning, a Team Lead (TL) handed me a sealed envelope from our clinic. It contained a letter informing me that my ECG result showed dome abnormalities and I need to see the company doctors within 24-48 hours from date of receipt. I have yet to see them and I'm sure this is the thing my li'l sis has been telling me ----cholesterol! goodbye Sunburst chicken skin crackers! =) I still hope it's something not serious. I CAN'T be sick.
I am struggling with the required passing mark for our metrics. Most of us feel things are getting harder each day. I am hoping I will be chosen among the many who applied for the HR position.
I am tired. I am sleepy. I am happy my rest days finally start tomorrow and we will be staying at the Maribago Bluewater Resort. Thank God for siblings like mine! Bless them for their generosity, Lord.
I am not surprised because since classes started, Yaya has been telling me that Marti has not been eating well. Although she can do things by herself, she only eats really well when Yaya or anyone of us is around to "feed" her. On the third day of her class, Yaya said the teacher would no longer allow them to go inside the classroom during the kids' eating time. She was very worried because at the end of her class, she would see Marti's food almost untouched. I regret not talking to the teacher about it, now Marti's too young to have hyperacidity. But I had my own reasons for not doing it, one of which is I understand what they want to instill on the kids and secondly, I don't wish to be known as the "mom who always complains". I asked for medical certification from our pedia and I asked Yaya to tell the teacher about it (I couldn't do it myself because my shift this week has changed again).
Over the weekend, my li'l sis who's here on vacation, did Marti's assignments with her. Marti and I did them the past week but I never noticed that the Math book they're using for Nursery is for Kinder. My sister being a teacher herself, could not hep but comment that the activities contained in the book seem too advance for Marti. They're already asked to draw three-dimensional objects when Marti has not even started drawing lines.
When I got in at work this morning, a Team Lead (TL) handed me a sealed envelope from our clinic. It contained a letter informing me that my ECG result showed dome abnormalities and I need to see the company doctors within 24-48 hours from date of receipt. I have yet to see them and I'm sure this is the thing my li'l sis has been telling me ----cholesterol! goodbye Sunburst chicken skin crackers! =) I still hope it's something not serious. I CAN'T be sick.
I am struggling with the required passing mark for our metrics. Most of us feel things are getting harder each day. I am hoping I will be chosen among the many who applied for the HR position.
I am tired. I am sleepy. I am happy my rest days finally start tomorrow and we will be staying at the Maribago Bluewater Resort. Thank God for siblings like mine! Bless them for their generosity, Lord.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
fresh start
when i read what my cousin, Linnor wrote in her FB, it was like reading my own thoughts today. yes, today marks the beginning of another month and quarter. thank God for new beginnings!
yesterday, i was really thinking of starting anew in my fitness jouney. all i did the past weeks was eat, eat and eat. i gave in to my cravings for sweets. one day i'm at la marea, the next day i'm at east west (for their mango sushi). i'm not surprised that when i finally went back to the gym today after 11 days of absence, my weight has gone up to 190 pounds form 187.5! i'm not happy. i really have to discipline myself NOW. i will exercise (be it in the gym, at home or at IT Park) daily, even if it will only be a 20-minute walk. AND i really have to cut down on my fatty and high-calorie food intake.
the month that just ended wasn't a good one for me work-wise. i am still waiting for our final scorecard but i know i failed in two of the metrics (issue resolution and chats-per-hour). i feel bad. this is the first time in 11 months (remember i even got a top 2 award when i just started). i am telling myself not to dwell on it anymore. i want to practise what M would always say, "moving forward..." and so today, i have decided to work harder and do better. there may be factors beyond my control but i will make sure i always give my best every single day at work.
today marks a fresh start for me, a new beginning. back to day 1.
yesterday, i was really thinking of starting anew in my fitness jouney. all i did the past weeks was eat, eat and eat. i gave in to my cravings for sweets. one day i'm at la marea, the next day i'm at east west (for their mango sushi). i'm not surprised that when i finally went back to the gym today after 11 days of absence, my weight has gone up to 190 pounds form 187.5! i'm not happy. i really have to discipline myself NOW. i will exercise (be it in the gym, at home or at IT Park) daily, even if it will only be a 20-minute walk. AND i really have to cut down on my fatty and high-calorie food intake.
the month that just ended wasn't a good one for me work-wise. i am still waiting for our final scorecard but i know i failed in two of the metrics (issue resolution and chats-per-hour). i feel bad. this is the first time in 11 months (remember i even got a top 2 award when i just started). i am telling myself not to dwell on it anymore. i want to practise what M would always say, "moving forward..." and so today, i have decided to work harder and do better. there may be factors beyond my control but i will make sure i always give my best every single day at work.
today marks a fresh start for me, a new beginning. back to day 1.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
at it again
yes, i am at it again. i have not gone to the gym for more than a week now. i hate it because aside from me getting unhealthier each day, those days were already paid and it's such a waste of money. i read that setbacks do happen but we should bounce back immediately. sigh! why am i allowing myself to not get up, literally and figuratively. i seem to be doing one step forward, two steps backward instead of the other way around. i should exercise today! it felt horrible that one of my favorite plus-sized tops almost didn't fit me anymore. grrrrr.
i am worried again. i guess all moms do when their kids get sick. marti still has fever and she doesn't want to eat anything nor drink her milk. i would have wanted to tell her she shouldn't have forced herself to go to school yesterday but what's the point. i'm thinking, they should have gotten their flu shots before the rainy month of june came. but then again, there is really no point dwelling on things that have already happened.
i better end this post now. it seems like i am not making sense here. haha.
i am worried again. i guess all moms do when their kids get sick. marti still has fever and she doesn't want to eat anything nor drink her milk. i would have wanted to tell her she shouldn't have forced herself to go to school yesterday but what's the point. i'm thinking, they should have gotten their flu shots before the rainy month of june came. but then again, there is really no point dwelling on things that have already happened.
i better end this post now. it seems like i am not making sense here. haha.
Monday, June 29, 2009
for love of learning
Marti had been nursing a fever since Saturday afternoon and when I left for work last night, she was so hot. Minoy and I decided that she shoudn't go to school today. With that in mind, I did some overtime at work this morning to hopefully pass the metrics at the end of the month. And Minoy also brought the car to his office instead of my Dad driving him there. When I left the office at 11: 00 AM, i got three missed calls and half a dozen messages from yaya telling me that they've been waiting to be brough to Marti's school since 10:30 (her class starts at 10:45) because Marti insisted that she shouldn't miss her class. I walked to the hub's office (under the scorching heat) to get the car and was still undecided whether I should really let her go to school (yaya said there was no more fever). On my way home, I decided she shouldn't and thought of buying her her favorite McDo meal.
I leisurely drove home getting there at 11:45 AM. I was so shocked when I saw Marti crying like she'd just been orphaned and no amount of explaining could make her stop, not even her favorite chicken and fries meal from McDo could pacify her. I hated it. I hated it that I was the one present while Minoy kept on telling me through SMS that I shouldn't give in. And then there was the Lolo who kept on saying "sige na lang gud, unsaon man nato nga ganahan man gyud sya moskwela." And Zach was shouting, "Ma! Ma! Ate cry, school. " Plus I was already very sleepy and I didn't know what to tell the teacher after having notified her that Marti's sick and couldn't attend her class. I had to call the school again to ask if it was okay to go there an hour late. It was the owner who answered the phone and she assured me it's fine as long as Marti is really not sick anymore. So I drove like mad and brought her to her class just in time for the day's activity.
Tonight, the hub told her she should not go to school tomorrow because she's not yet fully well and rested and made her understand she might infect her classmates. But no, she aswered that some of her classmates also have cough and cold and they're there. We'll see. I already told Minoy he should ask Daddy to drive him to the office so he can bring her to school just in case.
Marti amuses me in so many ways. I never really thought she'd be like this as a student. I don't remember being like her when I was younger. In fact, I think there were times I'd ask my Mom to write my teacher an 'excuse letter' because I wanted to be absent.
I leisurely drove home getting there at 11:45 AM. I was so shocked when I saw Marti crying like she'd just been orphaned and no amount of explaining could make her stop, not even her favorite chicken and fries meal from McDo could pacify her. I hated it. I hated it that I was the one present while Minoy kept on telling me through SMS that I shouldn't give in. And then there was the Lolo who kept on saying "sige na lang gud, unsaon man nato nga ganahan man gyud sya moskwela." And Zach was shouting, "Ma! Ma! Ate cry, school. " Plus I was already very sleepy and I didn't know what to tell the teacher after having notified her that Marti's sick and couldn't attend her class. I had to call the school again to ask if it was okay to go there an hour late. It was the owner who answered the phone and she assured me it's fine as long as Marti is really not sick anymore. So I drove like mad and brought her to her class just in time for the day's activity.
Tonight, the hub told her she should not go to school tomorrow because she's not yet fully well and rested and made her understand she might infect her classmates. But no, she aswered that some of her classmates also have cough and cold and they're there. We'll see. I already told Minoy he should ask Daddy to drive him to the office so he can bring her to school just in case.
Marti amuses me in so many ways. I never really thought she'd be like this as a student. I don't remember being like her when I was younger. In fact, I think there were times I'd ask my Mom to write my teacher an 'excuse letter' because I wanted to be absent.
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