40 days

November 28, Saturday was Daddy's (and Mama Tit's and Bingbing's) 40th day. they say that it's on this day when they really, finally "leave" this world. prior to that day, we have been dreaming of them, feeling them and the kids have been "seeing" Daddy. and we have been praying 'double time' for the eternal repose of their souls. we offered masses here and in some other places where we have priest friends.

We "sent off" Daddy with so much love and gratitude for having been such a good and wonderful father to us and a really loving and doting grandfather to my and my older sister's kids. we stormed heaven with prayers that he be granted eternal rest and his sins be forgiven. we prepared a "feast" that day (the way Daddy always did when we came home) and invited his friends and colleagues plus our relatives. it was a joyful celebration, a happy send off. but i shed the same amount of tears i did during the wake and the at the funeral. it was actually even sadder than i thought. maybe it was the knowledge that they're "leaving" that made it more painful, the "finality" that they really are no longer with us. you know how it feels? i kept on saying with tears "hala dy, wara na sa kaw gayud. wara na kaw. wara na kaw sa cebu pagbalik namo. " and i still think the kind of death Daddy had is more painful than when you die of an illness. i tell you, it is more painful, a lot more painful. i could not describe the kind of pain but sometimes i'd think it can kill! and i pray that such death will never ever happen again to anyone.

Daddy's 40th day has passed and whether we like it or not, we have to start living our new life without him. it's time to move on, one day at a time. and as i start trying to move on, i pray that the Lord will give us so much strength especially at times (like right now) when we miss Daddy so much. i pray that Mama will always feel the Lord's loving presence when she feels very lonely.

Rest in peace, Dy. And thank you so much again for loving us so, so much. we love you!